The Story of the Guardian Angels

 Awww I have to share this with you!This is a very touching story and probably fit in the current situation of some people's life and big events that have happened.I got this story from an E-mail of my friend while ago but I just read it today and became very thoughtful.

So here's the story: Once upon a time there were two travelling angels who wanted to have a break.Therefore they stayed overnight at the house of a rich family. This family was very impolite and refused to let the angels sleep in their guestroom.Instead of this the angels got a small place in the cold cellar of the house. As they laid them down on the cold floor, the older angel discovered a hole in the wall of the cellar and repaired it. As the younger angel asked him "why?", the older one answered him, "Things are not always what they supposed to be..."The next night they slept over at the house of a very poor old couple, who were very hospitable and friendly.After the couple shared the food they had with the two angels, they let them sleep in their bed. where they had a comfortable sleep.When the sun rose the next day, the two angels found the couple, crying. The only "thing" they had, who brought them their income died on the field: It was their precious cow.The younger angel got angry and asked the older angel why he let that happen to them. "The first man and his family owned everything and you helped them" he claimed. "The couple had just a very few things and you let their cow die on the field!" "Things are not always what they supposed to be!", said the older angel."When we slept in the cold cellar of the rich family, I noticed that there was gold in the hole. And because the host was filled with greed and didn't want to share his fortune, I sealed the hole so that he won't be able to find his gold. When we slept in the bed of the poor family's house that night, the angel of death came to take the woman away. I gave him the cow instead.Things are not always what they supposed to be!"

Sometimes things will always turn out differently if they don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just have to trust that things will turn out positively for you.You might not notice the positive effects but as time goes by you finally will.Many people come into our life and go away pretty soon.Some people become friends of ours and stay for a long time, leaving beautiful footprints in our hearts when they go. And we are very similiar to them because we become friends.

Yesterday is history.Tomorrow is a mystery.Today is a present. That's why it's called: Present. Life is something special. That's why: Live every moment to the fullest, life is not a rehearsal! PS: I never really noticed the fact that Present also means present (as in gift) [at least not on purpose].

 Dear Self,

Stay strong. We still have a lot of battles to take. We still have a lot of struggles to endure. We will soon achieve the glory days of all our sacrifices. Let's not waste our time to people who don't treat us right. 

It's you and me against the world. We can do it!

Sincerely,

Me.

Temple thoughts

 Crossing boarders meant crossing boundaries of faith. 

To witness entirely different religious practices demanded huge respect of their chosen path and appreciation of my own faith. 

This led me to an introspection of my beliefs, how I cling to it and how I manifest it daily. 

And the more I observe and immerse, the more questions fill my head,,aren’t we all searching for something greater than us? 🙏🙏🙏

sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead....

while i was sitting on my station,doing my work,you suddenly stand beside me...a familiar scenario that you usually do before whenever you wait for me during lunch,break or when the work is over. well, its been about 7mons since i have seen that scenario...and now,it felt good to feel that feeling again.i thought you are going to ask me out or walk with me as we go home.but no,instead its a bad news."im tendering my resignation immediately" suddenly i see black colors,i cant hear anything,and my eyes just wanted to cry...i always knew that you will be resigning,well i hear it from my friends,your friends and everyone but you never really tell me--straight to my face...so now,your showing me the paper...i pretended reading it but i cant really understand what it says. so this is it...the closure that i was waiting for for years....its coming into reality... he's really leaving me!!! i always say to friends and people that i have moved on although its not really true...there's still a part of me that will dream that one day you will come back and ask for forgiveness and asking me to be with you again....well i think now it will never happened...

three years and 6mons.....that was the best years and months of my life....i never thought i would find you....you just came from nowhere...and suddenly, im inlove! i was mending a broken heart,when you suddenly came....i remember the first time i met you,it was 2am,your phone rang with a song "always be my baby"....i suddenly heard it,came to you and say "meron ka nyan? pabluetooth naman!!! ang tagal kong hinahanap yang song na yan!!" and then you ask for my number,i did ask for your number aswell...after a couple of days,my phone is ringing,your asking me how am i? and then the rest was history.....

the first year was really the happiest.....you have showered me with love and attention that i feel im the luckiest girl on earth...everything looks fine,everything looks perfect....
the second year was kinda rocky....thats the part where we really know each other on the point that i get comfortable waking up with you in the morning and sleeping with you at night...we get so comfortable together that sometimes we tend to forget the love that we have for each other. one day we're okay, the other day we're not...but still we manage to get through because of LOVE.
the third year was the worse....we broke up...get back again...broke up again...get back again...until we finally decided to be friends...BESTFRIENDS...guess we are the perfect definition of the phrase "friends with benefits!"(not in the greener idea ok)...untill the time you decided to find someone else,i did aswell but mine did not last,bec i still long for you,,,,yours didnt last either but you decided to find someone else again.....and again...and again....while your still looking for miss right,im right beside you,supporting you,,,understanding you....hoping someday,you realize that the one your looking for is just at your side....but like what they say "merong hangganan ang lahat"....i got tired of waiting...i got fed up of understanding.....
and so i decided to avoid you....go on with my life.....but theres still a little bit of me hoping someday, you'll return......and yes you did....you talk to me again,,,,but not bec you wanted to be with me again....but because you wanted to leave.......PERMANENTLY.....

"Rassel alis na ko,,,,nagpapirma lang ako nito eh..." ...and so i get back to myself again....."ok, ingat ka...." ...those were the last words i utter before you left my sight......after all this months of waiting and wanting to talk to you,,,thats all that i can say :(

there goes my ONE GREAT LOVE.....im never going to see him again (maybe)..... its ok....he have thought me a lot about love...how to give more and expect less....how to be unselfish and kind...how to be understanding and not demanding....i guess i will never love like i did with him but i think im smarter now....and a lot stronger.....and i hope someday, he will find the one that he has been looking for....as for me, well as the song goes "never mind i find someone like you...." but i hope when that time comes, it will last forever.. :)

it was not the happy ending that i have dream of for the longest time,,,but it was the bittersweet ending that have set both our hearts free :)

the story of us

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us How we met and the sparks flew instantly People would say they're the lucky ones I used to know my spot was next to you Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat 'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on Oh, a simple complication Miscommunications lead to fallout So many things that I wish you knew So many walls up, I can't break through Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room And we're not speaking And I'm dying to know, is it killing you Like it's killing me I don't know what to say since a twist of fate When it all broke down And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now How'd we end up this way? See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy And you're doing your best to avoid me I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us How I was losing my mind when I saw you here But you held your pride like you should have held me Oh I'm scared to see the ending Why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how Oh I'm scared to see the ending Why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how This is looking like a contest Of who can act like they care less But I liked it better when you were on my side The battle's in your hands now But I would lay my armor down If you'd say you'd rather love then fight So many things that you wish I knew But the story of us might be ending soon Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room And we're not speaking And I'm dying to know, is it killing you Like it's killing me I don't know what to say since a twist of fate When it all broke down And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now Now, now And we're not speaking And I'm dying to know, is it killing you Like it's killing me? And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate 'Cause we're going down And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now The end

Learning the HARD WAY

On the verge of anger and depression there comes realization.

I never hated heights. But I did. Yeah, for less than 3 minutes I hated it and cursed it to death. It was an Owww-eeeemm-geee ride of my life. I hated heights but I conquered it. I faced the fear.

I have always been the NICEST-GIRL-IN-THE-WORLD. But for a while, I was not. Yeah, for almost 3 weeks, I became evil and hated people close to my heart. I uttered unexpected words because of angst. You can’t blame me; I was judged and blamed for something I did not do. And for these moments, I was full of pain. I even posted letter of rage that I cannot undo. I became wicked but I endured the pain. I let go and then back again, I’m the NICEST-GIRL-IN-THE-WORLD.

I have always been selfless. Selfless, to the extent that I always give more than what is asked for. I submit 100% of myself to everyone. But now, I want to be selfish. Selfish not greedy. Self – ish.. I want to love myself more so I can love others too. It will be tough but I know that to think of myself and my welfare first, I will be able to extend it to other people. It will be a long process.

I quoted from Father Jun’s homily: “Bitawan mo ang lahat ng sama ng loob dahil ang buhay ay dapat umuusad”. Sapul.

Why should I be bitter for what I am experiencing right now when in fact there are lots of people who are suffering more yet surviving?

I would like to mention, Francis Magalona’s happy battle. I was so inspired with his life and his battle. His strength to endure the emotional stress of having had all the treatment and also the pain of every shots of medicine, every chemotherapy, every bone marrow aspiration. It was a very well lived life. And though, he died of young age, his life and his music will always live on. And we will always remember his baby face as we listen to his recordings.

Tonight, I wish that this will be the last time I will be blogging because of the pain I had for the last few weeks. I am praying for those people to let go of everything that had happen and become what is used to be. Tonight, I wish nothing but serenity of my mind. Yesterday was done, today is more important and tomorrow is full of hope.

Like Father said, I want to exhale the hurting and inhale back the goodness.

Tomorrow, I will be wishing for strength. Strength to carry on and to face whatever challenges that will come my way. I will be stronger than I was before. For tomorrow as I wake up, I will rise and be better and not bitter for myself.

flying

there's something about being up in the sky that just sends me up higher.

i love being on airplanes, watching land and everything on it start looking like Barbie people, shrinking into Polly Pocket folk, become little ants and eventually, simply fade away. i like how the scope of what you can see gets bigger and bigger as you go up higher. in a sense, being up in the sky makes feel sooo big that in the end, i always feel so humbled, so small. am i making sense?
i like how i feel so light going up in the air as if the land i was leaving contained everything that weighed on my chest and i was flying away from it. i like how my heart crunches just a little bit and a big bit everytime i leave land behind.
land is what i truly know. i am a child of the earth. i was born upon soil, and my connection with its spiritually grounding and humbling nature and everything that resides upon it is one that always pulls a little on my heartstrings everytime we say goodbye. its a bit like saying goodbye to my mother's womb, i reckon.

but i love the sky, i do. on land, you think about how alone you are and it doesn't quite sink in because there is already too much to see, that more often that not, ,what should have felt like being ALONE seems more like LONELINESS.
up in the sky where only those with wings can float upon its waves of white puff, you feel alone but somehow, loneliness does not quite creep in. loneliness is a feeling based on UN-loneliness, i think; while alone is... just alone. up in the sky where you are nothing to nobody, you have no one left to be but yourself. i like that.

i love the sky because its the closest i get to everything, really. i love the sky because its the closest i get to the stars, to the infinite. i love the sky because, as i leave all the people whom i have ever interacted with, people who have formed big and small opinions of how i am as a person, its the closest i actually get to



ME

MATUROSITY: alimango sa may dalampasigan.parang si giraffe sa quicksand..

Is life just getting sadder or am I just getting harder to please?

What’s so great about bubbles? I wish I liked anything as much as kids like bubbles. It’s totally sad; their smiling faces point out your inability to enjoy anything. That part in knocked up sums up how I’m feeling.

I’m miserable...(kinda lang naman..) Mainly because I’m not where I planned to be right now. Gahhh! I know I don’t have the right to whine because there are people who are in a much more miserable state. But it’s just really sad how life, fate, destiny or whatever energy counters you from getting to your dream and being happy.

Life is like the waves, and I’m an angry and stubborn little crab that holds onto anything and pulls itself to get to where it wants to be. But the waves so much powerful and it pushes the crab to another direction. The crabs getting tired and is thinking of just going with the flow.

Because of life, because of certain circumstances, we get stuck somewhere (or we just go with the flow). We think we can just accept the situation in the meantime, but sooner or later, we get so used to it, we just settle for it. And our dream just…dies.

Hope this crab will still hold on. If ever it lets go, hope the waves will take it to the same shore not too far away from where the crab originally wanted to be, para walking distance lang.....baka mapagod kasi sya kapag masyadong malayo eh...

frozen....

After the last light I broke down, crying. I must have been in shock, I never experienced something like this. I talked to a fulltimeworker and he told me his interpretation, which calmed me down. He told me that he believes this was a sign of God, watching over us and what we were doing. A sign that we were not alone, that God was with you. Later an Ate told me that she saw the lights too, and told me as well that they were tiny hot-air baloons. Whatever those things were, hot-air baloons or some strange energy is not important, still for me it was clear: God tested my trust in Him. God gave me the opportunity to reflect over my faith again. God showed me that I still lack of trust in Him. That was my main realization. I also realized that life must go on. It simply has to. With every change comes another chance for us to develop. I was demotivated, but again God showed me that I have to stop standing there and staring into my wonderful past, but that I should continue my way, be brave and ready to experience wonderful things. I should not mourn about what I lost, but dance with joy for what is to be expected. But my past shouldn’t be forgotten. It’s just ... You stop. Turn around. Look and reminise. And then continue your way full of trust in our precious Lord. So be it. Amen.

.

Dear God,

I have been on a constant battle with my memories this year. I only wish that I can extinguish parts of it for they are making me regret all of it. I do not request for my own power, only for the task of elimination to be completed from your end.

See, more than two years ago, you planned for us to meet, me and him. Now he left me, and now I struggle. Every time I wake up, I wish I hadn't. Time will not heal this, because it simply can't. Again, see, you made me most forgiving, most patient. You made me always, always consider the good of others, with the least amount of doubt. Now, since I can't completely reconcile the facts -that I have already done my part, and waited for about a thousand hours for nothing to happen- I ask that a tampering on my library of things-remembered be done the soonest.

Take away the moments of happiness, spare nothing from those life-chapters. They must as valuable as television show scripts. We never physically spent those together anyway.

Please do not offer an alternative, and please do not make me different from my easily-fooled self. Just erase the cause of the misery of this recent past, the thousand promises broken, each forgiven by this selfless soul. You must know that I don't love him anymore, after almost half a year of throwing questions at absent ears....

When you've made good with my favor, do not stop me from making the same mistake again with him....


yours truly,
Rassel

♥The saddest song ever written.. And the most beautiful..♥

goodbye my old friend...till we meet again :(

Goodbye is the hardest word im going to say since i will be leaving the best thing in my life...i will be leaving the one thing that I never thought I could live without...today,im going to say goodbye to the bestest,best friend I ever had...We have been together through thickness and thin...we have been together through my ups and my downs...we have been together when Im sad,when Im happy...we are together when i cry my heart out or when i laugh so hard...it was my only companion whenever im alone,whenever im with my friends partying or eating out....now,,,,i think i will never get to be with it for a very long time....

...When I started my journey to a new healthier me I knew that I had the eventual goal of cutting all pop out of my life ...I was horribly addicted to the caffeine in my dear old friend: COCA-COLA...I have struggled off and on with this addiction over 28 years…but for some reason I have never been able to give it up for….me.

...this morning,i got the results from our annual physical exam..and as expected,i have URINARY TRACT INFECTION...but worse, i have pyuria (refers to urine which contains pus. Defined as the presence of 4 or more neutrophils per high power field of unspun, voided mid-stream urine),from that day on,I said to myself...as much as i can avoid it, i will never have the sweet taste of coke again....

...I am not saying that I will not have a single drop of coke in the coming days or weeks (well hell im only human,sometimes i cant help it out) but I feel the end is nearer than I originally thought....

goodbye my sweet heaven...goodbye my best friend...goodbye my happiness...goodbye my coca-cola....

...till we meet again one day....and i promise,that will be indeed, the sweetest day of my life......

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

"Behind every man...

...is a WOMAN ^_^

PISAY

Pisay is a heartwarming tale of a group of high school students, coming from different backgrounds, but all brilliant, all studying at the Philippine Science High School. What I liked most about the movie was its effective nostalgia. It may be that the movie was set in the 80's (when I was but a wee little baby), but it's theme's captured the essence of being in Pisay. But it's greatest asset may also well be it's worst flaw: It may tend to alienate non-Pisay people. I felt the audience deserved a tad bit more development of the characters. It becomes difficult to sympathize with characters you hardly know.

I loved that the kids acted very naturally, although there were some awkward moments, some dead air, it was forgivable. Dr. Casas was very effective. The other adult actors, however, (I'm not sure if this was intentional) spoke in a "theater" voice, like a sing-song, Batibot style. I found it unnatural, even highlighted by the fact that the child actors were very natural with theirs ("Egis erp!")

The storyline was flawless. I found it strummed a different chord at every chapter. The freshman year told of a budding relationship ripped apart by a teacher, the sophomore year told of a small town boy kicked-out of Pisay for failing Geometry (and moving on to become #1 in the school he moved to!), the third year featured a girl who had move to The Netherlands because she and her parents were wanted by the government, and finally, the senior year which featured a morally ambiguous research project, a theater loving science school senior, and a terminally ill genius.

I was flooded with memories while I was watching the movie. I was especially moved by the first scene where they found out he got in Pisay.

I can definately relate to the movie not because i graduated at Phil science highschool but simply because of the highschool life those little kid have experienced....i can definately say that highschool life is the best phase of my life,,,i think other would agree with me as well :)

letter from the most prestigious critic's group in the world:

"Pisay is a beautiful film, simple and sophisticated, direct and campy, one that gets better and better as it goes along. From the evidence gathered, the praise is valid for Filipino cinema as a whole, which is undergoing something of a renaissance.”

by Emmanuel Burdeau Cahiers Du Cinema

can't figure

"EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON." That is what i used to tell myself every time somethings not good is happening to me, pretty nice thing to say to your self, huh?

Well everything has reason that is for sure, 'coz why are we going to let things happen anyway.

I am 28 years old, graduated from college, have a job and pretty much alone. I used to have friends... like friends friends, the people you have plans for like forever: no one leaves each other, no one gets left behind, nothing can make you apart, more like a sister and a colleague as well, something like that, but "used to", well i know you get it. Promises are meant to be broken thats what i learned, there are things that will definitely make you apart, and theres no such thing as forever or eternity for that matter. People change and i can do nothing about that, even I changed. One mistake can make a great impact on friendship, especially when friends are too weak to handle everything, i will admit I am WEAK, weak as a twig that can easily broken. We didn't survived the test, we were defeated, that is what i got to face, that is what i need to accept. I still have friends, yeah! so don't think that I'm that bad to have no one left except my freakin' self. I do have friends and i love them, i sure do and i know they love me too. I never really tried to live on my own not until now that I'm working... far from my family, far from my friends. That is why i feel so alone... The problem with me is that I'm too clingy, too dependent... Well that is the consequence that i have to live, 'coz people got to live their own lives too, the world does not revolve around one person, the world does not revolve around me. And whether i like or not i have to live on my own. I have to learn to be with my own, to eat alone, to decide for myself. And all this, because everything happens for a reason.

I am 28 and i don't know what is going on with my life. Have a job, yeah i do have a job but I'm hating it every single day. And now i don't know what to do. I'm not moving forward, i feel that I'm stuck, stuck for the rest of my life, if i don't do anything about it. Since i started this job i noticed that everything fall out of place, everyone changed, and it is not pretty anymore. Now I'm torn on to whether to STAY and get paid but not happy at all or GO and be unemployed but free from all the things that I'm running away from and makes me sad.

I am 28 and I've got zillions of questions inside my head, and any time soon i feel that it will explode. A lot of things had happened, why those things happened? why me? why not somebody else? am I a bad person? am I a bad friend? too weak? did i kill someone? Is too much sleeping a sin? a lot of questions that no one can answer, not even me.

I am 28 but i feel that I'm living like I am a hundred years. Is this the part where i need to tell myself "Everything happens for a reason"?

yes it was......aaaaawwwww!!!

IT'S REALLY HARD TO SHOW EVERYBODY HOW YOU FEEL, SCARED OF LETTING THEM KNOW WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU..

SOMETIMES LYING WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT REMEDY TO OVERSHADOW THE TEARS FROM YOUR EYES..

YOU HIDE THE PAIN BY SMILING, YOU HIDE THE TEARS BY LAUGHING..

YOU HIDE THE SADNESS BY LYING..SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO TRADE YOUR LIFE JUST TO EXPERIENCE A MINUTE OF HAPPINESS THAT WILL REALLY CHANGE EVERYTHING..

BUT THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT IRONIC, THE MORE YOU SEEK FOR HAPPINESS, THE MORE YOU LOOSE IT..

leap of faith

this was written by my highschool crush reyner malonzo...it was touching..i know what he is going through right now and im deeply sorry for him...for kuya reyner, life must go on..thank you for being the one who introduce me to the power of writing..remember my favorite verse: PHILIPPIANS 4:13 "i can do everything through HIM who strengthens me"..everything is going to be ok...

leap of faith by reyner malonzo

My company's Human Resources Department asked me if could give a testimonial for Future Search seminar entitled "Leap fo Faith". This is what I have written and shared on that day, April 16, 2010.

Have you ever experienced losing a pet when you were young? Did you prepare some sort of funeral for her? Did you cry so hard that day that you went to bed weeping all night?
Have you ever flown a kite? You flew it so high that it soared to the sky to touch the heavens, however the sky became dark and the winds grew stronger that it snapped the string, letting your kite fly into the darkness.
Have you ever work so hard for your family? Did you ever sacrifice your personal happiness like having a family of your own just to be able to support a brother or sister to go to college?
Have you ever lost a friend? A friend so dear that you would eat at the same plate, do each other’s homework, perhaps attend the same school. You practically do everything together. You would never forget to celebrate each other’s birthday and you would even go to extremes like vouching for him if he gets caught by the teacher cutting classes to watch the latest movie downtown.
Have you ever ask God why he allows bad things to happen in one’s like? Things that you’re so frightened that you never cease praying at night that they do not occur because you could never bear the thought of it happening.
Losing something or somebody makes you feel sad, depress and hurt. You get more affected if this something or somebody means the world to you. The kind of affection that you’re willing to give a part of you just to have them back. When you lose them, you even call on God asking “why?”.
I lost a very dear person last Christmas; he took his life for a girl to prove how much he loves her. Personally, I could never imagine him doing this. For a brief moment, please, just ponder on this. He finished bachelor of Nursing, passed the board exam on his first try and seemingly he has a very good career ahead of him. He is somewhat tall, handsome, intelligent, and full of humor. He could have any girl that he likes.
So, why the hell would this person throw everything including his life just for the approval of one girl? Ain’t it enough to have a degree, good physical attributes and to top it, the love of his parents, his siblings and also the respect and love of his friends, hmmm? The person I am talking about is no other than younger brother who died on Christmas morning, the very day where most of the people would be at their homes celebrating Christmas while we were at the funeral, mourning this untimely passing of my brother.
I was devastated, I could not imagine, I could not accept. I go to Church, serve in a choir, and try to treat everybody well and good. So answer me this, is this fair? Do we deserve this?
I fondly recall the moments that I had with my brother. When leisure comes in my schedule, I would invite him to go out and drink a bottle or two. You know, we both have this passion or singing and we would play like critics on each other. We both are fun of watching cartoons and we often talk about them, he would tell me the new ones and I would share stories of the old ones. However, this is not always the case.
There are times that I need to pretend to be the know it all older brother. Do this and do that. Don’t do this and don’t do that. This is right and that is wrong. You might think that I do this to entertain myself but these things that I do is just to show him the decorum of things. I want to inculcate values and lessons on him, lessons that I painstakingly experienced when I was growing up. Life was not easy.
But you know what, I found out that my brother has his own ways on doing things. I cannot deter him from doing what he thinks and feel is right. He is “his own man”. Oftentimes, there is a “clash” between us. However, I would still be able to overpower and force my ways on him but inside me, I know my intentions are good. One time, I found my brother, crying at a corner, I think it’s because he did not get what he wanted over me. I know I was right and instead of offering an ear, I withdrew myself and stood firm on my decision.
Now that he is gone, it was those moments that I regretted doing, I wish I could have treated him differently. There is now a reversal of roles, I am now the one you’ll find at a corner crying whenever his memory pass me by. I wish we could have spent more time together as friends instead of brothers. One truth I learned from this is that when a love one leaves this life, you can no longer show how much love you have for that person.
I feel sorry for him, the life that he might have lived, the family that he might have had and countless possibilities that could have happen if he was still alive.
I feel sorry for myself, the memories, and the conversations that we might have had. The stories and adventures that we could have shared together as we both grew older.
He ended his life and took away from me the chance of redeeming myself for the shortcomings I have on him.
Everything back then was dark and gloomy. I try to shy away from people asking about the incident I just don’t wanna talk. I just wanna freeze time and forget what has happen but as my tears run dry and my mind opens up, I started to slowly accept the truth about the faith of my brother. I came to realize that there is nothing I can do that will bring him back and that everything that happened has a reason, a better purpose, and a brighter meaning.
I cannot reverse time nor change it. Life continues, we cannot stop or pause it, it keeps on going with or without us.
You might be puzzled why I can do this, this answer is easy, I started to offer the lost of my brother to God. I know that if I send this up to Him. He will give me the grace to accept it all. He will fill the emptiness in my heart, he will satisfy my thirst for answers, he will give me, my brother, and my family, the peace that we eagerly long for. I have entrusted all of these to God’s divine mercy, unconditional love and everlasting mercy and compassion.
“Faith is the way of holding onto what we hope for, being certain of what we cannot see”. “This is the confidence we have in approaching God. That if we ask anything according to His will. He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, what ever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him.” Heb 11:1 and John :14-15

the course of choice: the twilight zone

If you believed in one purpose, the worst feeling would be suddenly stepping out of it.

It's like those archaic twilight zone movies where the characters are in some other time,.

or Being John Malkovich,

or if you just came to a different time like 13 going on 30

or if you just became a different gender like She's the Man and Hot Chick. (or a different race, that would be "Hot CHinK")(ooppss korniks)hehehe

So many times it has been writen about, the fascination of displacement.

I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I checked my horoscope. (egad)
And it said I was suposed to be having fun with friends, but I totally flaked on them just to finish this,which as it turns out, I can't even do now.

So there was this opportunity. And there was the stars to show me. But I missed it.

Now I am living in my own choice of a world... and (egad).


Like most soaps, we will have to wait till the next episode, or next season, to see if this decision will have been the "right" one., and how have I changed my life with this one choice? (see sliding doors.. etc.)

so near....yet so far......

we wer so close to each other

about 3-5 inches far from each other

but still we didnt do anything...

we just sat there and stare at the floor...

who has the problem?

is it me?

or him?

or both of us...

will this end?

i hope so...

so i will be happy...

HAPPY ENDINGS....

"HAPPY ENDINGS don't happen instantly, relax.. and you'll begin to realize how everything seems to come your way, everyone do deserves LOVE and HAPPINESS, it just comes at different times for different people, but don't just sit wishing and waiting on the world to give you something wonderful, Live your LIFE to the fullest and it will become what you want it to be. Never lose HOPE nor FAITH, because someday you'll realize that all your struggles mean something.."

happily...*ever after* ... the real fairy tale

TODAY..I must say that things may be coming my way.

Today I can talk. I can smile with my heart at it. I just love myself and I care for it.

With a prayer that all of my hurt shall go and so it went and I'm happy. True love shall help me heal so that it will be worth the wait.

I prayed to GOD to give me what I deserve more than what I desire and now I don't know if this is it but I feel like being aware more than pretending. Are things going my way? I'm constantly praying that this time it will be consistent and endless. This time I just want to be worthy for someone who can be there for me. Who can stand by me. Today, I am just aware that there really are people who just wish you happiness and smile with you.

Today I must say that I am endlessly receiving the things that I have wished for. I thank all the people who gave me constant tapping on the back. Who gave me the warmth of their hugs. Thank you. Now, I feel like being into it so emotionally attached to the one who can promise me eternity exist and that love grows, commitment does conquer all.

When I was a child.. up to now. I have dealt with imaginations of fairy tale come true and only to find out .. to wake up one day.. and realize that it can be true?!

I prayed not for a guy who can be loyal to me but instead committed. I prayed not for a guy who can love me back but for a guy who can love me more and be consistent. I prayed for a guy who can secure my future but He gave me a guy who plans his future for me and that future wishes me to be the one.

Now, it's another version of patiently waiting…I shall wait if I want things not to end. If I want things as happily ever after…decision comes as it shall be firm and consistent for me to have the desires of my heart.

It shall be soon.. a happily ever after...