this was written by my highschool crush reyner malonzo...it was touching..i know what he is going through right now and im deeply sorry for him...for kuya reyner, life must go on..thank you for being the one who introduce me to the power of writing..remember my favorite verse: PHILIPPIANS 4:13 "i can do everything through HIM who strengthens me"..everything is going to be ok...
leap of faith by reyner malonzo
My company's Human Resources Department asked me if could give a testimonial for Future Search seminar entitled "Leap fo Faith". This is what I have written and shared on that day, April 16, 2010.
Have you ever experienced losing a pet when you were young? Did you prepare some sort of funeral for her? Did you cry so hard that day that you went to bed weeping all night?
Have you ever flown a kite? You flew it so high that it soared to the sky to touch the heavens, however the sky became dark and the winds grew stronger that it snapped the string, letting your kite fly into the darkness.
Have you ever work so hard for your family? Did you ever sacrifice your personal happiness like having a family of your own just to be able to support a brother or sister to go to college?
Have you ever lost a friend? A friend so dear that you would eat at the same plate, do each other’s homework, perhaps attend the same school. You practically do everything together. You would never forget to celebrate each other’s birthday and you would even go to extremes like vouching for him if he gets caught by the teacher cutting classes to watch the latest movie downtown.
Have you ever ask God why he allows bad things to happen in one’s like? Things that you’re so frightened that you never cease praying at night that they do not occur because you could never bear the thought of it happening.
Losing something or somebody makes you feel sad, depress and hurt. You get more affected if this something or somebody means the world to you. The kind of affection that you’re willing to give a part of you just to have them back. When you lose them, you even call on God asking “why?”.
I lost a very dear person last Christmas; he took his life for a girl to prove how much he loves her. Personally, I could never imagine him doing this. For a brief moment, please, just ponder on this. He finished bachelor of Nursing, passed the board exam on his first try and seemingly he has a very good career ahead of him. He is somewhat tall, handsome, intelligent, and full of humor. He could have any girl that he likes.
So, why the hell would this person throw everything including his life just for the approval of one girl? Ain’t it enough to have a degree, good physical attributes and to top it, the love of his parents, his siblings and also the respect and love of his friends, hmmm? The person I am talking about is no other than younger brother who died on Christmas morning, the very day where most of the people would be at their homes celebrating Christmas while we were at the funeral, mourning this untimely passing of my brother.
I was devastated, I could not imagine, I could not accept. I go to Church, serve in a choir, and try to treat everybody well and good. So answer me this, is this fair? Do we deserve this?
I fondly recall the moments that I had with my brother. When leisure comes in my schedule, I would invite him to go out and drink a bottle or two. You know, we both have this passion or singing and we would play like critics on each other. We both are fun of watching cartoons and we often talk about them, he would tell me the new ones and I would share stories of the old ones. However, this is not always the case.
There are times that I need to pretend to be the know it all older brother. Do this and do that. Don’t do this and don’t do that. This is right and that is wrong. You might think that I do this to entertain myself but these things that I do is just to show him the decorum of things. I want to inculcate values and lessons on him, lessons that I painstakingly experienced when I was growing up. Life was not easy.
But you know what, I found out that my brother has his own ways on doing things. I cannot deter him from doing what he thinks and feel is right. He is “his own man”. Oftentimes, there is a “clash” between us. However, I would still be able to overpower and force my ways on him but inside me, I know my intentions are good. One time, I found my brother, crying at a corner, I think it’s because he did not get what he wanted over me. I know I was right and instead of offering an ear, I withdrew myself and stood firm on my decision.
Now that he is gone, it was those moments that I regretted doing, I wish I could have treated him differently. There is now a reversal of roles, I am now the one you’ll find at a corner crying whenever his memory pass me by. I wish we could have spent more time together as friends instead of brothers. One truth I learned from this is that when a love one leaves this life, you can no longer show how much love you have for that person.
I feel sorry for him, the life that he might have lived, the family that he might have had and countless possibilities that could have happen if he was still alive.
I feel sorry for myself, the memories, and the conversations that we might have had. The stories and adventures that we could have shared together as we both grew older.
He ended his life and took away from me the chance of redeeming myself for the shortcomings I have on him.
Everything back then was dark and gloomy. I try to shy away from people asking about the incident I just don’t wanna talk. I just wanna freeze time and forget what has happen but as my tears run dry and my mind opens up, I started to slowly accept the truth about the faith of my brother. I came to realize that there is nothing I can do that will bring him back and that everything that happened has a reason, a better purpose, and a brighter meaning.
I cannot reverse time nor change it. Life continues, we cannot stop or pause it, it keeps on going with or without us.
You might be puzzled why I can do this, this answer is easy, I started to offer the lost of my brother to God. I know that if I send this up to Him. He will give me the grace to accept it all. He will fill the emptiness in my heart, he will satisfy my thirst for answers, he will give me, my brother, and my family, the peace that we eagerly long for. I have entrusted all of these to God’s divine mercy, unconditional love and everlasting mercy and compassion.
“Faith is the way of holding onto what we hope for, being certain of what we cannot see”. “This is the confidence we have in approaching God. That if we ask anything according to His will. He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, what ever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him.” Heb 11:1 and John :14-15
